My Favorite Myth About Success (and the truth)
“Fun is the reward for success.”
We are constantly conditioned to believe that success needs to happen first, and only then do we get to have fun. To mix the two is not only distracting, but irresponsible.
We celebrate graduations with parties, work milestones with vacations, and careers with retirements. What do you do after you nail a presentation, close a long-pursued prospect, or secure funding? Probably a nice dinner, drinks, or something fun.
It’s great to celebrate your wins, but this conditioning creates a problem.
If we reward the end and not the process, we sabotage ourselves before we even get started.
Fun is a tool that allows us to take the consistent action necessary to create success.
When I began salsa dance classes in Miami years ago, I used to get so frustrated because I always compared myself to the best dancers in class. “How can I compete with these guys who seem to have salsa in their blood?” I often thought.
It turned out I didn’t need to compete with them, I just needed to compete with the temptation to quit. That was HARD.
And that’s when I figured out how to win.
I decided that instead of being the best technical dancer in class, I would be the most fun dancer in class. I smiled with every partner, laughed through every mistake, cheered every time I made a good spin, and celebrated myself just for showing up to class.
Here’s what happened: by focusing on having the most fun, I was more inspired to go to class, practice more, and try new moves. This resulted in me becoming a vastly better technical dancer.
Now I’m the guy grabbing a partner and rushing to the dance floor when a Marc Antony song comes on. Three and a half minutes of being totally present with my partner, feelings guiding movements through the song, seeing them smile as I take them on an unexpected spin. Song over, a hug and a ‘thank you’, and I’m beaming, itching for the next song.
Fun doesn’t just come after success, fun CREATES success.
That’s the attitude that got me through 2 years of salsa lessons and countless hours of practice.
If you believe fun can only the the reward for the end, there’s only two possible outcomes:
The process is fueled by brute force willpower and the reward never feels worthy enough. Those are the scenarios when we ask ourselves “is this all there is?”, because the outcome is only 5% of the experience, the process is the rest. Don’t let 95% of the experience suck.
You get burnt out, unable to sustain the consistency necessary to reach your desired outcome/goal. Then it either feels like failure, or we find ways to justify why it wasn’t the right choice. That’s no good either.
Here is how to make this work for you.
Apply this philosophy especially to important, long term endeavors like a major project, skill development, business, or relationship that you want to create or improve.
Answer these 3 questions:
#1: What is my version of success in this arena? Don’t be the best according to the current definition, create your own definition and own it (think Blue Ocean Strategy). Make it a process definition, not an outcome one (e.g. “most fun” vs “best dancer in class”).
#2: What are the core actions I can celebrate? Pick 3 of the most important actions you need to take consistently and reward yourself for taking them. For salsa they were: showing up to class, trying one new move each week, and smiling with every partner.
#3: Is this true to me and who I want to become? Whatever the undertaking, make sure you’re doing it for you, not to prove something to someone else. Aside from fun, doing things aligned with our best self is what keeps us going through the tough times.
Your turn, let’s go!
“It’s kind of fun to do the impossible”
- Walt Disney
What’s your favorite myth about success? Leave a comment, let’s discuss!
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